My Purpose | Batavia NY Photographer

I have always struggled to know what my purpose in this world- how am I serving the world in a way that is bigger than me? How am I helping the greater good?

On Saturday, July 7th, I found my answer to that question. We left for vacation on July 6th, but we didn’t leave until we dropped off our senior pup to be cared for while we were gone. What we didn’t realize was that this would be the last time we’d get to see and hold him.

We were at the zoo with our children when we received the call that our sweet Jake, aka “Jakey” was at the vet struggling the breathe. We knew this day would come, but we thought “what could happen in 5 days?”. As I was talking on the phone with the vet, the world around me fell away. The hustle and bustle of the zoo silenced; It was just me, the vet, and my family facing one of the hardest decisions we had to make.

When I was a child, I vividly remember having stuffed animals and being afraid to get rid of them out of fear that they would feel alone and abandoned. These feelings came rushing right back as our pup, the pup that made us a family, was fighting for his life without us. All I could think was did he wonder if we abandoned him? Was he scared? Was he looking for us? Did he need our final goodbye as much as I needed his? There were options, but none that guaranteed us our sweet pup’s life. He was 16, blind, deaf, and frail; it was time to let him go. My Mother-in-law and Sister-in-law took on a huge role for us -one that I don’t think could’ve been handled better by anyone other than us. They provided him comfort when we couldn’t and held him until his very last breath. My husband bravely took over the arrangements because I couldn’t hold myself together, and our children collapsed to the nearest bench as tears flooded their eyes. That pup of ours was there with each of them when they came home from the hospital after birth, he snuggled up next to them on the couch during movie time, and he would play catch with them, albeit, he never would return the ball, lol. but he loved them and they loved him.

After he was gone, we decided that, as hard as it would be, we needed to do our best to enjoy this vacation. Not only did we enjoy our vacation, we had a lot of conversations about the fun times we had with Jake. So many stories the reminisce over the past 16 years. Some the boys remember and some that happened before they were born or when they were too young to remember.

This brings me to my purpose. When we got back to the house we were renting, I took to my computer. I was struggling to find comfort at a distance, and the best way I knew how to was photos. I realized then that I’m not just a photographer. I am the creator of your history vault. They aren’t just photos, they’re comfort in moments of grief, laughter in times of happiness, and gratefulness when you’re feeling nostalgic. I quite like that.

Never feel guilty asking to include your pets in your family photos. Shoot, if you just want a photo of your pet by themselves, let me know and I’d be more than happy to capture their sweet face for you! This being our first loss as a family, I didn’t realize how hard it would be. You don’t realize how much your pets impact your life until they’re no longer there. There’s an empty spot by my backdoor where our pup used to lay. His little fur patch is still in-tact because I don’t have the heart to vacuum it up. Some day, but not today. I have walked past that same door and the white daisies in the yard catch the corner of my eye in just the right way that my brain instantly thinks it’s Jake sitting in the back yard. I know all of this emptiness will fade and I his memory will help us heal, but I am thankful for photos of him to help our family on that journey to the future.

The first photo is him when he was at his prime. He was about 2 or 3 in this shot and he just looks so stoic, and it’s the Jake I remember him to be: young, energetic, wild, and a feverish excitement for people. This “big guy”, as I would call him, saved our youngest pup when she first arrived to us. Days into us getting her, she got her head stuck in our son’s soccer net and it was twisted so tight around her neck she nearly hanged herself. Jake rose to save her. While he was little, he sure was mighty! He barked and barked and barked, and barked some more until my husband went out to unravel her. He’s a hero, and I’m going to miss the hell out of that little ankle biter! The 2nd photo is the moment my children found out that we were going to lose him. Even though I was struggling to keep my emotions together, I had to snap this shot. It’s a moment that will never leave us. Life is a roller coaster. It’s filled with laughter and tears; don’t be afraid to capture the good and the bad.

If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read it. My emotions were bottled up and I had to put them to paper. You are victims of my sadness, but I thank you for having the heart to stick it out with me. Much love.

~Marie