Today was a Hard Day | Batavia NY Family Photographer

Any research that I’ve done about how to write an interesting blog post I always see people say that you should just start writing. Don’t stop to correct. Just keep going until you’ve arrived at the end of what you want to say. And, this isn’t specifically just for blogging, but writing in general; books, songs, poems, etc. You can make corrections and changes after. The point is to just get it out of your head and down on paper.

Great! Seems easy. Or is it? Then there’s me….I’m over here nodding my head at all the great advice while simultaneously hovering my pen centimeters above an empty piece of paper just thinking…..better yet, desperately hoping that the hundreds of thoughts and feelings spinning through my mind will magically gather a story, leap from my head and travel down my arm and burst from my pen and appear neatly organized on said paper. Instead, I’m roughly 10 minutes in and all I have for you is a handful of scribbles and changes (which, remember, was “forbidden” while writing), and the only thing I’ve written about is my ability, or lack thereof, to write.

But, how does someone write (and this is where I freeze yet again) or formulate the proper words to express their sorrows in an elegant way? I suppose that is part of writing; putting your feelings into words which then becomes a story. So, with that being said, here’s a story instead of words to describe how I feel right now.

My family moved back to Batavia after being away from the area for roughly a decade. I always say “we left as kids and returned with kids.” When we became parents 12 years ago, we looked to our friends for support. They really were our family, and still are! Our kids played together. We celebrated holidays together. We watched each others kids. They got us through the first years of parenting. These are friends you keep for a lifetime. We made the tough decision to return home about 5 years ago. Leaving them was very difficult, but we were very excited to finally be back with our family. That said, I was very nervous that we wouldn’t find friends like the crew we have in T.N. Great friends are hard to find. That 1st year back home was exactly what I had feared. We had no friends, but that was okay because we were surrounded by family. However, everyone needs a good group of friends they can turn to.

Fast forward to the next school year. This time our oldest was in 2nd grade and our youngest (at the time) was starting UPK. This is the school year that changed our lives. I met the most amazing and supportive group of women any person could ask for, for a 2nd time in my adult life! Our kids hit it off, too! We had coffee dates, play dates, hung out on field trips, met for dinner, and shared group texts that you could probably turn into a book. I had finally found my tribe!

Now it’s time to fast forward yet again, and this is the time my writing may get a little confusing, because at this point my eyes are beginning to fill with water and the paper starts to become a little blurrier. Now we will move through time a couple more years- one of our tribe members was in trouble; it was cancer, and it was here to destroy! To destroy the life of a man we invited into our home and had a few laughs with. A man we shared bleachers with under the hot sun to cheer our kids on at the same baseball games. To destroy a woman who we spilled our guts with over a morning cup of coffee. To children who played and developed a bond with our children. To destroy a family that loves and loves hard! This family is about to face a fight some people couldn’t even imagine, and I always think , why THIS family?! Nobody deserves this but especially not them.

Bravery- Courageous behavior or Character. The quality or state of having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty

I pulled this definition from the internet; I’m not sure why this family’s name is not listed under the definition because they are the epitome of bravery! When cancer approached them they didn’t hesitate for a second. It was battle time! They wiped their tears and walked the path to the front line. They were ready to crush whatever stepped in their way and, like many, there was a constant shift and change with every visit to the doctor. And, even with this constant shift, this family never lost sight of their faith. They’re optimists through and through, and I think that is what helped them to press on. Every day I saw the family they were smiling and hopeful. I would wave to them as I was picking my kids up from school and there was never a moment where I thought they were facing uncertain death. Until there was. I will never forget this day. I was driving by my son’s school to pick him up. I passed by mom’s van as she was waiting for the traffic to pass so that she could turn onto the road. It was for just that split second of driving by that her face told the entire story; the fate of their future. It was grim.

I had offered the family a photo session shortly after I heard about the dad’s diagnosis, which was roughly 2 years ago. I said, “just let me know when he is feeling up for it and I will clear my day for you.”, because with cancer you never know when you will have a good day or a bad day. I’m not even kidding you, mom messaged me about a week after I saw her in the parking lot of the school. Her message read, “I want to do these photos now before we can no longer do them.”

My heart broke that day. I knew what her message meant.

This family photo session was so amazing to witness. I feel lucky to have been able to do this for them. That said, I was a nervous wreck! I could not mess this up! My family and I dragged our living room couch out to our front yard so that Dad could have a place to sit should he need a break. I really enjoyed this day. It was filled with the kind of laughter and joy you only see in movies. Hugs and kisses that made time stand still. And tears that struck you to the core! Occasionally I would catch mom and dad lock eyes. It felt similar to the way you look at a newborn baby; with full attention to every detail- the little wrinkles in their skin. How tiny their hands are in comparison to yours. The little white spots on the tip of their nose. How their lips pucker when they are sleeping. All the things you want to hold onto forever because you know that time is fleeting. That is how mom and dad looked at eachother.

Their session was a real gift, and it just put life into perspective. Tomorrow is never promised.

Fast forward a few months to January, 29th 2020- Dad is no longer in pain and the family can begin their healing journey. In this story, cancer won. Today (February, 4th 2020) you were laid to rest. It was a mild mid-30’s outside. Overcast skies and a muddy ground with patchy snow. We gathered to celebrate your life. This day will never leave me. I watched as your wife and mother of your children trembled in grief as she wrapped her arms like a warm blanket around your daughter. The sounds of the church were that of grieving friends and family, but the one sound that may never leave my mind is your daughter weeping in sadness, and it was not just a continuous cry, rather, a cry with valleys and peaks. Moments where you could somehow truly feel her pain. There was hard, gut wrenching tears coupled with moments of calm and understanding. Then came the moment when the church rose and they started to surround your casket to carry you to your final resting place. The tears of your friends and family poured so hard in this moment. Watching your wife grip your daughter and hold her close as we watched your son line up with the pallbearers to carry you out was probably the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. His head just barely reaching the top of your casket, he walked, head held high, alongside of you for one final time. THIS was the moment that will sit in my brain just like a photo in an album!

Ike, I am so very glad our paths crossed. Your family and friends are emotionally broken by your tragic loss, but you built a strong community during your time here. Without knowing, you created a lasting foundation for your family as they face this long road to recovery. With that they will continue to grow and thrive in your memory. You were one of the good ones. We’re sad to say goodbye but eternally grateful to have said hello.

Much Love,

The Bohn Family